Upon Doing Surreptitious Damage at Your Host’s Party

"It goes without saying that your opponent upon whose pastel walls you leave your greasy hand prints, is rich and also well known for hiding his best drink and victuals while shoving at you all the old stale contents from his larder. Which ingredients should, just as they pass your lips, be exploded back out onto the carpet for starters. Canine befoulment carried liberally on your instep and wiped off somewhere where it shouldn’t be, is a really lousy ill bred dirty stinking trick. Which your host may deserve for his stinginess. But the more serious destructions should be wrought approaching objects d’art backwards with your hands behind you snapping off a leg on all the Tang horses you can find. Beware of bronze specimens of other dynasties, as busting these can lead to your detection. Especially when you grunt, struggle and sweat wielding a hoof off one of these exceptionally strong ancient works of art."

- J.P. Donleavy from The Unexpurgated Code